This week in the world’s #1 newsletter on leadership communication:
- How to Respond to Criticism without Losing Your Cool
- Book Recommendation: From Command & Control to Trust & Inspire
How to Respond to Criticism without Losing Your Cool
‘That’s utter nonsense,’ my peer said in a meeting during my time at easyJet – the British equivalent of ‘you suck.’
As much as I wanted to put him back in his place, I knew it wasn’t smart to start a shouting match in front of ten colleagues. So I bit my tongue and said nothing.
It wasn’t the worst option but it wasn’t helping my standing either.
Everyone is under a lot of pressure right now, and only last week a coaching client asked me how to deal with criticism in meetings.
As a leader, rule number one is to never criticize in public. Discuss it one to one, and make it about the task, not the person.
But what do you do when you get criticised by a client, your boss or a peer?
The mistake I see a lot is that people get defensive, react emotionally or start to argue. Not a great look.
It costs you your cool and your credibility. Not to mention the negative energy and long-term fallout.
Don’t take it personal – because it isn’t. Instead, focus on the bigger picture and create emotional distance between you and what the person said.
Then, use one of these six ways to respond to criticism with grace:
1/ Agree (partially)
“I hear you – we could have done better, and we are working on it.”
This disarms the critic and takes the wind out of their sails.
2/ Push Back (with poise)
“That’s one way to see it. Here’s another.”
Calm confidence beats emotional defensiveness.
3/ Ask a Clarifying Question
“Could you give me an example?”
Invite feedback. You take control and appear curious.
4/ Use the “ABC” Technique
Answer briefly.
Bridge to your key message.
Communicate what really matters.
“That’s fair, but what matters more is this…“
A proven strategy for staying in control in meetings.
5/ Reframe It
“Cost is important, but let’s look at the impact…”
Use tough feedback as a spotlight for your core message.
6/ Use it
“Thank you, I will take it into consideration.”
If it hurts, it may reveal an insight. Focus on what’s useful, not what’s hurtful.
You can’t control what other people say. But you do control how you respond.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
From Command & Control to Trust & Inspire
Stephen M. R. Covey (not to be confused with his late father, Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) is the author of the influential bestsellers The Speed of Trust and Trust & Inspire.
Covey articulates something we all feel: that organizations need to move beyond Command & Control, but few leaders know what we should move towards. In his latest book, Covey gives that direction a name: Trust & Inspire.
Three key take-aways:
- Command & Control leaders operate from position and power. Trust & Inspire leaders operate from people and potential. It’s a shift from managing to truly leading.
- Only 8% of organizations he’s studied have made that shift. Many have ended up in an awkward middle ground he calls Enlightened Command & Control: nicer language, same underlying control.
- Trust & Inspire is not just a leadership shift but also a language shift. Communication should be uplifting and positive. In the best organizations, communication becomes effortless.
Stephen will be joining me on the Speak Like a CEO show soon. I can’t wait to ask him how we can operate at the speed of trust when trust is at historic lows but the need for speed is higher than ever.
Have an inspired weekend,
Oliver
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