This week in the world’s #1 newsletter on leadership communication:
- The Hidden Force That Makes People Say "No"
- Free Webinar on Speaking with Confidence
- Disagree Without Falling Out
- Find Your Voice, Own the Room
The Hidden Force That Makes People Say "No"
“So, do you want to pay for the 3 months now or in monthly instalments?”
The whole sales conversation was a lesson in how not to sell a high-ticket offer.
While I was very interested in joining the program, the person's approach created immediate resistance in me.
Rather than having a conversation, they used a sales script stuffed with psychological triggers that were designed to make me buy.
I hated it.
That feeling? That's reactance.
Last week, I shared 20 powerful psychological triggers.
The week before we discussed the 7 habits of highly persuasive people, and three weeks ago how to become a trusted leader.
Reactance breaks trust.
What is reactance?
Reactance, in psychology, is an unpleasant motivational reaction to anything perceived as a threat to our freedom.
It’s that gut feeling that makes us resist when we feel pressured, controlled, or manipulated.
So what happens when we feel pressured to do something? We often do the exact opposite.
Like the time that person came on way too strong – I didn’t just walk away, I silently promised myself I’d never buy from them, no matter what.
This is critical to understand, especially after our discussion on psychological triggers.
While those triggers can be powerful, they backfire if they trigger reactance.
How to avoid reactance
Here are 3 critical areas where understanding reactance can transform your approach:
- Persuasion: Forget aggressive tactics. When you push too hard, you trigger resistance. Instead, focus on offering choices and guiding people toward decisions that are good for them.
- Leadership: Micromanagement and rigid rules breed resentment. Empower your team by respecting their autonomy.
- Relationships: Control erodes trust at home and at work. Build stronger connections by acknowledging others' freedom and avoiding manipulative language.
To effectively navigate reactance, grasp these four fundamental elements:
- Perceived Freedom: Recognize that everyone has a sense of their own rightful choices.
- Threat to Freedom: Be aware that anything perceived as limiting those choices sparks resistance.
- Restoration of Freedom: Understand that people are driven to reclaim their autonomy.
- Manifestations: Be aware of the signs: non-compliance, counter-arguing, increased desire for the forbidden, anger and resentment.
Here are five actionable strategies to minimize reactance and foster cooperation:
- Offer Choices: Empower people by giving them options and a sense of control.
- Use Subtle Influence: Guide, don't force. Employ persuasive techniques that respect autonomy.
- Acknowledge Freedom: Emphasize that decisions are theirs to make.
- Avoid Controlling Language: Use phrases that suggest possibilities, not demands.
- Understand the "Why": Justify restrictions with clear reasons to reduce resistance.
Reactance is a powerful force, but understanding it gives you the ability to shift from resistance to cooperation.
With team members, be a coach, not a boss.
With children, be a shepherd, not an engineer.
With loved ones, be a gardener, not a sculptor – nurture growth rather than try to shape them.
FREE WEBINAR
Master Public Speaking
I'm hosting a FREE webinar on April 4th at 1 pm CET where I'll share secrets to help you speak with confidence, even when you're nervous!
In this workshop, you'll learn to:
- Plan what you say: Use structure, control your key points, tell a story, and start/end strong.
- Practice how to say it: Control your breathing, move effectively, use body language, and connect with your audience.
- Present with impact: Reframe nervousness, focus on the message, visualize success, and aim for connection, not perfection.
Free to join, seats limited!
PODCAST
Disagree Without Falling Out
I do a podcast to help you become a top 1% communicator. You should subscribe.
We all know disagreements are inevitable, but why do they so often turn into unproductive battles?
Harvard's Julia Minson joins me this week to reveal the surprising reason smart people struggle with conflict – and it's not what you think.
Here's what you'll learn:
- The "Winning" Illusion: Discover why your desire to be right is sabotaging your conversations.
- Beyond Listening: Practical techniques to truly show you're hearing the other person.
- The "HEAR" Framework: Simple steps to communicate receptively, even when you disagree.
- Emotional Agility: How to manage emotions and navigate difficult conversations with grace.
- Building a Culture of Constructive Conflict: Transform your team by fostering a space where disagreement leads to innovation.
Listen to the full episode to discover how to engage in productive disagreements and foster a culture of open communication.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
Find Your Voice, Own the Room
I've worked with a voice coach these last few months to prepare for my TEDx talk, which will be out in a few weeks.
In addition, I wanted to learn from the very best in the world, one of whom is Roger Love, known as America's #1 vocal coach.
In Set Your Voice Free: How to Get the Singing or Speaking Voice You Want, he guides you through the essential mindset and vocal techniques to unlock your most powerful and expressive instrument – your voice.
If you want to develop a better singing or speaking voice without getting lessons, this book is a great place to start. I recommend you get the audio version which on Audible comes with a pdf of the book.
I also give a Mastermind on Finding your Voice in the Speak Like a CEO Academy next week where I cover voice, accents, and how to speak to international audiences.
Have an inspired weekend!
Oliver
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