This week in the world’s #1 newsletter on leadership communication:
- How to Deal with Difficult People
- How to Lead when AI is Smarter than You
- The €200 Book That’s Worth Five Times More
***My TEDx talk on the future of AI & leadership just dropped! Watch it here and let me know what you think in the comments!***
How to Deal with Difficult People
Have you ever had to deal with a bully? Or someone who keeps interrupting you? Or worse, someone who puts you down one day but pretends to be your best friend the next?
You are not alone. I’ve certainly been there.
Years ago someone told me “you are not a team player”. I was fuming and barked back “Don’t talk to me like that!” – inadvertently proving their point.
But it motivated me to dig deep into how to deal with rude people, internal agents provocateurs, even corporate psychopaths.
I realized that “you are not a team player” is every bully’s favorite put-down because it keeps people in line.
Difficult people are the ultimate test of your communication skills.
Here’s how you can stay in control 👇
1. Don’t react. Respond.
You are emotionally triggered but it is crucial that you don’t respond emotionally. That’s what the other person wants!
Don’t let them control you or the conversation.
Instead: Pause. Breathe. Then respond with intention. Use the sentences below.
2. Filter the BS. "Is this worth it?"
Ask yourself: Is this something we need to agree on? If not, let it go.
Stay silent or say:
“You do you, I do me. Cool?”
“It’s ok, we don’t have to agree on this.”
“I get it, I just don’t see it that way.”
3. Name the behavior, not the person
Say: “You’ve interrupted twice.” not “You’re rude.”
Say: “Your email crossed a line.” not “You’re a bully.”
It’s clean. It’s objective. It stops escalation.
4. Make them repeat the insult
“Can you say that again?”
It surprises offensive people and puts them on the defensive.
5. Ask disarming questions
“Did you want that to embarrass me?”
“Was that supposed to hurt me?”
It holds them accountable without raising your voice.
6. Shut down interrupters
“Let me finish. I can’t hear you when you interrupt me.”
“Please let me finish my point. I will answer your question at the end.”
Say it calmly to appear unshakable.
7. Ask, don't assume
“Help me understand — what’s behind that reaction?”
“What’s this really about?”
You shift from tension to dialogue.
8. Play the long game
Self-control today builds long-term respect.
Don’t match negative energy. Rise above it.
9. Set boundaries.
“I won’t discuss it right now.”
“That’s not something I do.”
“That won’t be possible.”
Define what’s okay. Stick to it.
10. Dealing with a bully
If John says “you’re not a team player”, say calmly: “John – not with me.”
It’s super effective for dealing with bullies because bullies are deeply insecure people looking for victims who avoid headstrong people who push back.
Remember: You can’t control what other people say. You can only control how you respond.
PODCAST
How to Lead when AI is Smarter than You
I do a podcast to help you become a top 1% communicator. Please subscribe.
I sit down with my bestie, serial founder Gerrit McGowan for a real talk on what AI means for leaders.
From voice cloning to deep fakes, from 3D avatars to AI writing assistants to humans leading teams of AI agents – this conversation hits on a future that’s already arrived.
We explore what leadership looks like when AI can outthink us in every domain. We examine where humans still have the edge, and how leaders can future-proof their careers.
Gerrit also reveals how he lost his voice hours before a keynote and created his virtual self overnight to go on stage.
We talk trust, communication, and how to train AI tools to sound like you. Plus, I share the 10–80–10 rule for using AI to accelerate your work without outsourcing your voice.
And we both wrestle with a critical question: where does the human edge still matter?
This is not a debate on whether AI is coming. It’s a field manual for staying human and relevant.
Listen to the full episode here:
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
The €200 Book That’s Worth Five Times More
When Chase Hughes was diagnosed with a rare, fatal brain disease, he decided to put everything he knew into a book to make sure his family was financially secure.
That book became “The Behavior Ops Manual”. It teaches you advanced persuasion, based on neuro-cognitive science.
Hughes is a former US military chief and psy ops expert. Fortunately, his health recovered, and he now brings Jason Bourne skills to business.
With a €200 sticker price, this 750-page “mastery textbook” is on the pricier side. (Full disclosure: I borrowed a friend's copy :)
Is it worth it? Let’s say you earn 100k per year. If the book’s psy ops insights allow you to make just 1% more by getting a raise, making more sales or forming a new partnership, that’s a 5x return right there.
The FATE model – one of his foundational models of human psychology – helps us understand what our ancestors prioritized to survive.
FATE stands for Focus, Authority, Tribe, Emotion:
Focus kept our ancestors alive. It is hard-wired to rapidly respond to Threats and Value. All persuasion comes down to your ability to capture and direct a person’s focus.
The presence of Authority sets off an ancestral script that can take over someone’s behavior.
Tribe was critical to our species. That’s why “you are not a team player” is such a powerful put-down (see above).
Emotions are scripts that are designed to keep you safe, but can be triggered by someone who understands these ancient scripts.
His approach isn’t everyone's cup of coffee, but if you are looking for an edge, this book is worth checking out.
On that note, have an inspired weekend,
Oliver
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