This week in the world’s #1 newsletter on leadership communication:
- How to say NO like a PRO
- WEBINAR: How to Speak At Your Dream Conference
- How to Decode People: What Humans and AI Get Right – and Wrong
- Unlock the Secret Power of Groups
How to say NO like a PRO
“Working for a low-cost airline means saying NO to almost everything.” That’s what my boss said to me on my first day at easyJet 20 years ago.
He was right. Every day, we got inundated with requests: interviews with the CEO, filming on an aircraft and – everyone’s favorite ask – free flights.
No, no, and no.
As a recovering people pleaser, it was tough. I had to change my factory setting from “Yes, please!” to “No means no.”
I realized that the biggest obstacle to saying no is psychological.
It is so easy to say yes. People like us more!
The problem is that if we say yes too often, we become distractable task rabbits – running errands for other people.
While I learnt that lesson years ago, I found myself in the same situation in recent weeks.
I receive more incoming requests and opportunities than ever. That’s a great problem to have. But the hours in a day don’t increase.
The answer: I had to raise my floor again for what is a good opportunity for me right now, and readjust my filters accordingly.
I went back to these 6 scripts. These can help you if you struggle to say NO without feeling bad:
#1 – Know Your Goals
This is where it starts. If you are not clear what your top priorities are, everything might be an opportunity to get there.
Say yes to YOUR next big move.
Say no to OPPs (Other People’s Priorities).
#2 – Slow Down
Never agree to do something on the spot.
“I’ll get back to you.”
“Let me check my diary.”
#3 – The Three Filters
1: No response is a response
Not every message deserves your time. If you know the person, reply. If it’s random and irrelevant, it’s okay to not respond.
2: Polite but firm decline
Have a go-to script ready. Mine? A variation of: “Thanks for reaching out. I won’t be able to take this on, but I wish you the very best.”
Don’t apologize just because you say no – that devalues your actual apologies.
3: The Tomorrow Test
Still sitting on the fence? Let’s say you get an invite for next February. Ask yourself: Would I be excited if this happened tomorrow?
If the answer is no, don’t commit for February either.
#4 – No More People Pleasing
The biggest obstacle is our mindset. Ask yourself: “Would I rather disappoint myself or this other person?”
This works because it acknowledges that we will disappoint someone if we say yes. But it’s better if it is the other person than you.
#5 – Set Boundaries
People not taking no for an answer? Say:
“I won’t discuss it right now.”
“That’s not something I do.”
“That won’t be possible.”
Define what’s okay. Stick to it.
#6 – Get Someone Else to Say No
Still struggling? Get someone to say no for you. If you can’t afford an assistant, create an alter ego that replies on your behalf.
Saying no is hard. Even the best struggle with it. Tim Ferriss currently writes his “No Book”, and psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Benjamin Hardy just cancelled 50 podcast interviews which he had already agreed to do.
But with the 6 strategies above, it will be much easier – pinky promise.
WEBINAR
How to Speak At Your Dream Conference
Next Thursday, July 24th at 18:00 CEST / 12:00 EDT / 9:00am PDT
Do you want to speak at TEDx or an industry conference? Learn how to pitch your talk.
Most professionals dream of that stage moment. The credibility. The career doors it opens. The way it positions you as THE expert in your field.
Fresh off my own TEDx talk going live this month, I'm sharing for the first time how I've helped hundreds of leaders get booked at leading conferences like TED, SXSW, and Web Summit.
PODCAST
How to Decode People: What Humans and AI Get Right – and Wrong
I do a podcast to help you become a 10 out of 10 communicator. Please subscribe.
My guest Blake Eastman is the founder of The Nonverbal Group, a former poker pro and psychology professor, and now a pioneering builder at the intersection of human behavior and AI.
Blake pulls back the curtain on his decades-long obsession with decoding people, from micro-reactions and smiles to power dynamics and unspoken expectations.
He explains why the popular ideas of “reading people” and “taking baselines” are misleading, and how even experts often misinterpret the subtle signals that govern human connection.
Blake dives into the challenge of building AI tools that can identify social friction, coach people in real-time, and even outperform humans in behavioral prediction – without losing the ethical thread of care and responsibility.
You'll learn how AI can supercharge your social intelligence, why most communication advice fails without context, and how to develop the kind of communication range that makes leaders truly effective.
BTW, we have recently added video to the podcast on Spotify and launched a YouTube channel. We are still learning but hope you enjoy watching our amazing guests as much as I do.
Listen to the full episode here:
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
Unlock the Secret Power of Groups
One of my favorites of 2025! The Collective Edge comes out in a few weeks but I recommend you pre-order it today.
Colin Fisher points out that we are too focused on the lone ranger individual and have neglected the power of groups in recent decades. But success is usually the result of a team working well together.
He shows us how successful groups are structured, how big they are, what the role of leaders is and why it often feels that we get less done working in groups.
That’s called the Ringelmann Effect – as groups get larger, each individual contribution gets smaller. That means we have to ensure that groups create synergies to overcome the inevitable process losses.
Oh, and in case you wondered why you dread Team Building Exercises: it’s because they don’t work (and everyone knows it).
Colin will be on the Speak Like a CEO podcast in September, so send me any question you have for him. (Note that you have the option to say “no”, see above :)
Have an inspired weekend,
Oliver
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